u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize