Whod you bang
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
