Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
