her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
