Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize