I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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