nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize