When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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