My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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