In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
