I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
