I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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