where am i from again
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
