worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
