I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize