You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
