i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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