walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
