I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
