so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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