No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
