5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize