I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
