I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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