another moral hangover. fuck.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
