Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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