note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
