Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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