i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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