I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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