we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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