addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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