She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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