You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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