my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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