You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
