how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we're chasing vodka with high fives
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize