how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
