I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Randomize