literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize