so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
