Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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