You're completely useless in the revolution.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize