I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Boobs speak an international language.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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