just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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