well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
