I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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