You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's like heaven, but drunker
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
