Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She is in my trunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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