I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
