i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
