You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just pynch a tree in the face
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
