Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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