I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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