WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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