he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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