Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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