toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
