Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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