Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
