don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
