I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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