He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
