help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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