Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
