either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My ass is underappreciated
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
