dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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