I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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