My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
