I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How's work?
Spinning.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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