Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
