Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i have two assholes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
