How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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