she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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