my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
