I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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