just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
