The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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