they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
