Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
