Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
