I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
