the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize