Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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