New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
