The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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