You made me cry and you don't even care
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
