Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
