Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
