if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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