You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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