I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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