I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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