im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
