Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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