Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
