i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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